Did you ever have a day where you just weren't the person you wanted to be? Like, you got to the end of the day and looked back and said whoa... What happened? I wouldn't have done that. But, you did.
I had one of those days. Truth be told, i've been having a lot of them often. Days where I think to myself, I don't normally do this. I can get more done. I can do things differently. But, it's just not true. I mean maybe I could have - the me from two years ago. The current me? The one with a demanding horrible awful job and the wonderful child? Not so much.
Just another wonderful reason I'm in wonderful therapy.
Do you have days like this? Where you can't seem to get it together enough to make a simple phone call? You don't remember appointments? And at the end of the day when you say eff it instead of running which you know will make you feel better, you don't know who you are anymore? God I hope it's not just me. That would make going crazy awfully lonely.
Maybe sleep will help.
Showing posts with label back to work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label back to work. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Yes, I'm complaining about complaining.
So I like to vent occasionally about how life isn't perfect and not exactly what I want it to be right now. Everyone does it. Am I of the camp that If you don't do anything to change it, you should just shut up? Not really - freedom of speech is a pretty good thing, and you're never going to stop all the people all of the time from complaining. I have this argument with myself every four years or so around November, because of the inevitable voting gossip, and the amount of people who every year remark "if you don't vote, you don't have any right to complain about the outcome."
I may ignore you if you complain an insane inordinate incomprehensible amount though. I think venting is good to some degree, but there are those that take it too far. A lot of them live in my state. I had a discussion about this with hubs recently - he was remarking that it seems like the culture in our area is more prone to complaining and whining that others. I found that interesting, and would totally have researched it had I been in psych or soc 101.
But I digress. Recently I was venting about parental things - I believe it was when I was talking to someone at work about a dinner plan for some night in the near future - and my complaint went something like, I would like to have more time at night to be able to go out and do things, but right now with my schedule (getting home from work really late at different times each night) and with the burrito's needs (eat, eat, play, eat, sleep and maybe fuss a bit in there) I don't really like to mess up the home-night-life so that he gets more out of whack. And I've been noticing something when I complain lately: some other mothers keep saying "well I've done that before" or "yeah, we used to do that too" or even "we had it worse."
So, I figure I can take this three ways:
1) person listening is one-upping me
2) person listening wants me to shut it
3) I am seriously failing at life in general if everyone I talk to keeps saying they've done it and I can't.
For 1 and 2, I'm pretty sure that I may be underestimating the amount or tone of my complaining and I should just stop and solve my problems on my own. Pity party at home, with some alcoholic beverages instead. Whine to the dog, text my sister. For a set time limit. And then move on.
Maybe I'll use a timer.
Poor dog.
But for 3, ah, well that is a horse of a different color. Because lately? I totally feel like I am failing at life in general. I know that people have done what I have done. I know that I can use every hour of every day. But when I have ten unfinished projects around my house, laundry to be folded, and a sink full of dishes - and I just got the kid to sleep and all I want to do is write a blog entry and go to bed so I can get up to exercise and oh my good lord it's 11 and I'm running out of time - then, THEN, I feel #3.
Am I alone in this? I don't think so. But it would be nice to know others struggle(d) with it.
But for 3, ah, well that is a horse of a different color. Because lately? I totally feel like I am failing at life in general. I know that people have done what I have done. I know that I can use every hour of every day. But when I have ten unfinished projects around my house, laundry to be folded, and a sink full of dishes - and I just got the kid to sleep and all I want to do is write a blog entry and go to bed so I can get up to exercise and oh my good lord it's 11 and I'm running out of time - then, THEN, I feel #3.
Am I alone in this? I don't think so. But it would be nice to know others struggle(d) with it.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Daycare - almost 3 days down.
The First Day:
We got there around 815, I had wanted to be there by 8 but I'm always late to everything, so why should that change now that I have even more to do in the mornings? ::sigh::
I don't have a code for the front door yet, but the director and owner recognize me. Walk in, hit the computer sign-in program, and go down the hall to the infant room, where the sign says "Welcome Benjamin and (other new baby)!" We either have to take our shoes off or wear booties, and obviously my shoe choice that day was boots, so I opted for the booties. Sex-ay.
I went in, said g'morning to the teachers, and set the burrito down to put his things away. Diaper bag to the cubby, blanket to his crib, bottles in the frig in his little plastic bin. I filled out his morning info (last nap? diaper? feeding? how's he doing this morning?) and didn't really know what to do then. The teacher with a squeaky voice (now that I think about it, she kinda reminds me of shelly duvall) asked if he was hungry, and he probably was, but when she warmed up the bottle to try it, he wasn't interested - he was looking around at everything. It was so darn bright in there.
I left his carseat there for hubs to pick him up, along with his blanket (thanks auntie Kim!) and his 3-6mo knit hat and sweater (thanks grandma shurl!) and just kind of moseyed my way to the door. I must have said goodbye about ten times. I just didn't want to go. : (
I didn't call in until about 2pm, and they said that he was doing fine, and was a happy baby, but didn't eat much. He took about 1/2oz, then 1oz, then 3, then 3. He had two leftover bottles (it said on their info sheet that I should send 4), which I then sent with him the next day. I figured it was just that he was in new surroundings, with new faces/shapes/colors/bright lights, and that he'd eat more later. He did. Of course, it took me a freakin hour to get home, thanks stupidlocalhighway. When I got home, it wasn't like he was wagging his tail and running up to me like another household item (who also peed on the floor, natch), so I wasn't expecting much. But like I said, he was a bit ravenous and ate for longer than usual. He seemed like he was sleepy, lethargic almost, and wary of his surroundings. It took him about two hours to be back to his "normal" happy baby self, and then he was smiling and chatting away.
He woke up twice in the night to eat - 2am and 550, which he hasn't done for a little while now, so he must have been starved. Hubs did say that when he went to pick him up, his hands were freezing, and the room was cold, so I'm going to see how it is today when I go to pick him up, and then address it with the center director and teachers. He does have mittens, if his hands were cold I'd hope they would use them. Maybe they forgot I packed them?...Maybe it was just the weather on Monday which was colder than the norm lately.
Yesterday, he ate a little more, but wasn't as happy baby as the first day. He hasn't taken his usual naps either, going down for only a half hour to hour at a time. He usually goes for a good 1+ in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. We'll see if it's just getting used to daycare. Hubs reported some green poop as well when he picked him up, which had happened once before, the first time he had a bottle. Is that common? Interwebs?
Last night was a little bit better, he started napping when I took him to the store, and went down for the count at about 930. Slept until about 330, when he started fussing - I woke him up to eat. My boobs were a'hurtin by that point, whee engorgement. He went back to sleep, I went downstairs to pump the other boob, and he woke up again at 650 for the day.
I really have to start getting up at 630 like my alarm clock says. Can't there be more hours in a day? and less days in a year? we don't need all those days in August. Take some back, Julius Caesar.
We got there around 815, I had wanted to be there by 8 but I'm always late to everything, so why should that change now that I have even more to do in the mornings? ::sigh::
I don't have a code for the front door yet, but the director and owner recognize me. Walk in, hit the computer sign-in program, and go down the hall to the infant room, where the sign says "Welcome Benjamin and (other new baby)!" We either have to take our shoes off or wear booties, and obviously my shoe choice that day was boots, so I opted for the booties. Sex-ay.
I went in, said g'morning to the teachers, and set the burrito down to put his things away. Diaper bag to the cubby, blanket to his crib, bottles in the frig in his little plastic bin. I filled out his morning info (last nap? diaper? feeding? how's he doing this morning?) and didn't really know what to do then. The teacher with a squeaky voice (now that I think about it, she kinda reminds me of shelly duvall) asked if he was hungry, and he probably was, but when she warmed up the bottle to try it, he wasn't interested - he was looking around at everything. It was so darn bright in there.
I left his carseat there for hubs to pick him up, along with his blanket (thanks auntie Kim!) and his 3-6mo knit hat and sweater (thanks grandma shurl!) and just kind of moseyed my way to the door. I must have said goodbye about ten times. I just didn't want to go. : (
I didn't call in until about 2pm, and they said that he was doing fine, and was a happy baby, but didn't eat much. He took about 1/2oz, then 1oz, then 3, then 3. He had two leftover bottles (it said on their info sheet that I should send 4), which I then sent with him the next day. I figured it was just that he was in new surroundings, with new faces/shapes/colors/bright lights, and that he'd eat more later. He did. Of course, it took me a freakin hour to get home, thanks stupidlocalhighway. When I got home, it wasn't like he was wagging his tail and running up to me like another household item (who also peed on the floor, natch), so I wasn't expecting much. But like I said, he was a bit ravenous and ate for longer than usual. He seemed like he was sleepy, lethargic almost, and wary of his surroundings. It took him about two hours to be back to his "normal" happy baby self, and then he was smiling and chatting away.
He woke up twice in the night to eat - 2am and 550, which he hasn't done for a little while now, so he must have been starved. Hubs did say that when he went to pick him up, his hands were freezing, and the room was cold, so I'm going to see how it is today when I go to pick him up, and then address it with the center director and teachers. He does have mittens, if his hands were cold I'd hope they would use them. Maybe they forgot I packed them?...Maybe it was just the weather on Monday which was colder than the norm lately.
Yesterday, he ate a little more, but wasn't as happy baby as the first day. He hasn't taken his usual naps either, going down for only a half hour to hour at a time. He usually goes for a good 1+ in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. We'll see if it's just getting used to daycare. Hubs reported some green poop as well when he picked him up, which had happened once before, the first time he had a bottle. Is that common? Interwebs?
Last night was a little bit better, he started napping when I took him to the store, and went down for the count at about 930. Slept until about 330, when he started fussing - I woke him up to eat. My boobs were a'hurtin by that point, whee engorgement. He went back to sleep, I went downstairs to pump the other boob, and he woke up again at 650 for the day.
I really have to start getting up at 630 like my alarm clock says. Can't there be more hours in a day? and less days in a year? we don't need all those days in August. Take some back, Julius Caesar.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
And then I pumped at work
Since breastfeeding went so well for me at first (LaughOnLine), I figured I'd need to get all the accoutrements to be able to pump at work, in order to continue my pseudo-crunchy lifestyle. And hey, it's cheap. I checked with our ins, and they'd cover a pump up to a certain amount. In a wonderfully ironic-in-the-Alanis-sense twist of fate, that amount was right.under. every mainstream pump; the medelas, the amedas, the avents. So I went for the lovely lavender Lansinoh pump, as the nip cream has been so good to me so far.
I've been using it at home since I got it for the middle of the night "feeding" time, and besides being a little bit noisy, it works like a charm. So I decided to take my show on the road and continue pumping at work. They have a special super secret pumping room, to which I was introduced today, winding through a maze of carpeted hallways on directions from ladies who have pumped before.
The room is part of a bathroom, and behind some saloon-style swinging doors. So people walk by it in order to get to the bathroom, which is behind another door. It's in a swanky part of our complex, which is inhabited by upper-level employees (I've been watching too much Charmed, I was going to finish that phrase "upper-level demons"), mostly men, so the bathroom isn't frequented too much. I made myself a sticky note to put on the swinging doors: "Pumping in Progress." Too literal, interwebs? Too impersonal? Give me some suggestions.
I went up first at 11:15, and got about 3.75oz and 4oz. Second time around 3:15 and got about the same, maybe a little less. I used my lansinoh bottles that came with the pump, and that I bought in the extra pack, and stuck them in the office mini-frig, all the way in the back. I need to get more of those milk baggies, they work better for storage. It works out pretty well. I use one hand to hold both of the pump bottles, because I haven't figured out yet how to wrangle up a holder. I just played on my cell phone today, but maybe tomorrow I'll remember a magazine or something so I don't have to sit there for 15 minutes and stare at a small screen.
I rinsed the parts with soapy water afterwards at the br sink, and stuck them in one of my fancy little Medela sanitizing bags. That and 2oz of water went in the microwave for 3 min after I got back to my cube area, which is ingenious. I just need to remember to bring a towel in my pump package.
***update - next day***
So, this morning, hubs found my special little backpack for my pump stuff. Thank goodness. I look so chic now; natch.
I also did a little bit of interwebs-lookin and found out that I am able to sanitize once a day, so I started out today with pumping at 10:30, then cleaned the parts with soapy water and put them in the medela bag. I'll get them out again at the next pumping session, which will probably be around 2-3, and then after that, sanitize. I didn't have a 3am pumping session this morning, because the burrito had a not-very-hungry first day (getting used to the bottle, new place/faces, etc) and ate tons last night and then woke to eat at 2am and again at 530.
This morning, I used the medela wipes, which actually dried my parts quicker than I expected (they were wet from washing, no towel with me). They worked pretty well, but will only be an occasional thing as they are not on the cheap side (@$10/bag of 24).
Also, I can store milk from more than one pumping in the same bottle, which is good, because since I fell asleep at 9pm last night on the couch while feeding the burrito, I didn't get to clean all of my bottles. How do women do this again?!
My resources:
KellyMom
Work and Pump
My fun things:
Medela Quick Clean Wipes
Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steam Bags
Pump'n'Stuff:
Lansinoh Affinity Double Electric Pump
Lansinoh storage bags and bottles - their bottles all fit with the pump, obviously, however I couldn't find any nipples/tops for them at my local BRU, in case I wanted to use those to feed the kid. So I will probably just pump right into my...
Dr. Brown's bottles
I've been using it at home since I got it for the middle of the night "feeding" time, and besides being a little bit noisy, it works like a charm. So I decided to take my show on the road and continue pumping at work. They have a special super secret pumping room, to which I was introduced today, winding through a maze of carpeted hallways on directions from ladies who have pumped before.
The room is part of a bathroom, and behind some saloon-style swinging doors. So people walk by it in order to get to the bathroom, which is behind another door. It's in a swanky part of our complex, which is inhabited by upper-level employees (I've been watching too much Charmed, I was going to finish that phrase "upper-level demons"), mostly men, so the bathroom isn't frequented too much. I made myself a sticky note to put on the swinging doors: "Pumping in Progress." Too literal, interwebs? Too impersonal? Give me some suggestions.
I went up first at 11:15, and got about 3.75oz and 4oz. Second time around 3:15 and got about the same, maybe a little less. I used my lansinoh bottles that came with the pump, and that I bought in the extra pack, and stuck them in the office mini-frig, all the way in the back. I need to get more of those milk baggies, they work better for storage. It works out pretty well. I use one hand to hold both of the pump bottles, because I haven't figured out yet how to wrangle up a holder. I just played on my cell phone today, but maybe tomorrow I'll remember a magazine or something so I don't have to sit there for 15 minutes and stare at a small screen.
I rinsed the parts with soapy water afterwards at the br sink, and stuck them in one of my fancy little Medela sanitizing bags. That and 2oz of water went in the microwave for 3 min after I got back to my cube area, which is ingenious. I just need to remember to bring a towel in my pump package.
***update - next day***
So, this morning, hubs found my special little backpack for my pump stuff. Thank goodness. I look so chic now; natch.
I also did a little bit of interwebs-lookin and found out that I am able to sanitize once a day, so I started out today with pumping at 10:30, then cleaned the parts with soapy water and put them in the medela bag. I'll get them out again at the next pumping session, which will probably be around 2-3, and then after that, sanitize. I didn't have a 3am pumping session this morning, because the burrito had a not-very-hungry first day (getting used to the bottle, new place/faces, etc) and ate tons last night and then woke to eat at 2am and again at 530.
This morning, I used the medela wipes, which actually dried my parts quicker than I expected (they were wet from washing, no towel with me). They worked pretty well, but will only be an occasional thing as they are not on the cheap side (@$10/bag of 24).
Also, I can store milk from more than one pumping in the same bottle, which is good, because since I fell asleep at 9pm last night on the couch while feeding the burrito, I didn't get to clean all of my bottles. How do women do this again?!
My resources:
KellyMom
Work and Pump
My fun things:
Medela Quick Clean Wipes
Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steam Bags
Pump'n'Stuff:
Lansinoh Affinity Double Electric Pump
Lansinoh storage bags and bottles - their bottles all fit with the pump, obviously, however I couldn't find any nipples/tops for them at my local BRU, in case I wanted to use those to feed the kid. So I will probably just pump right into my...
Dr. Brown's bottles
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