omg, daycare.

formerly-pg-girl-at-work is talking about it. I hadn't even thought about it yet.

I am so not ready to have an outside baby in a couple months. I feel like I *just* started showing, therefore just became pregnant. This is somewhat terrifying.

Among my other fears:

♪ um, finding and paying for daycare?
♫ not being able to have the birth I want and going in for a c/s
♪ not bonding with my baby RIGHT NOW
♫ not being able to do the things I dreamed of doing back when I was going to be a SAHM
♪ getting the house ready for a small carbon-based lifeform
♫ how anything and everything I'm doing now and will do up until taking small fry home will affect him.

Goodness, if it was only small things...like, what crib do I pick? Or, how do I babyproof the house? Or, what are the best blankets to use for swaddling? Gar.

How did I ever think I could actually be ready for something so small, yet so damn HUGE?!?!

The thing about the bonding:
In pregyoga yesterday (thanks for the new name for it, bff), the teacher was talking about bonding with your baby now and talking to your baby. I've seen my friends with their kids, and they are not shy - they will sing to them, talk to them, etc. Well I'm a singer, but I've always been shy. I thought when I have kids, I'll make a list of songs I want to sing to them, and sing to them all the time, like my mom did for me.
However, I find myself not remembering anything but The Rainbow Connection and Baby Mine from Dumbo. If I can't sing to this kid now, in the shower, when I'm home BY MYSELF, how am I going to be when he comes, and I'm trying to rock him to sleep in my guest room nicely decorated nursery?

The thing about the affecting:
I keep hearing stories about how people's births affect them for the rest of their lives, especially when they themselves are parents. I don't think I have to worry about the when-said-child-gives-birth-themselves thing, unless my little trooper decides to become a troopette. 
But, I do wonder how my relationship now and my reaction to being pregnant will affect my child? It was an unplanned pregnancy, but that doesn't mean I love my child any less...does it? I mean, I worry about this a lot: will I love my child enough to prove that I want him? Will I be able to make up for him being a surprise? Do I even need to?
Will I be able to provide him with a wonderful birth so that I have one less thing to feel guilty about? If I'm terrified going into labor, will it affect him? If I have to have a c/s, will my disappointment affect him, or me after the fact?
This dilemma kind of reminds me of my favorite scene from Contact, where Matthew McHippie is talking about the existence of God to Jodie Foster: "Did you love your dad?" Jodie (taken aback): "yes!" McHippie: "Prove it."
I almost feel that since small fry was a surprise, I will now have to prove that I love him even more. Has anyone else out there in cyberspace ever felt this way? (Bueller? Bueller?)

Well I guess that's all for now, I think small fry is telling me he's hungry by head-butting my nethers. Next time: help me vote on bedding! (I know, an especially serious topic.)

ho-hum, 2nd tri.

Is it usually this uneventful?

So far, I've been unable to distinguish between what is a small fry movement and what may be gas. I have had a couple times where it feels like he's trying to escape though, and it's all I can do to say out loud "stop trying to escape through my lady bits dude!" They might think I was deranged or something.

I haven't really had any other "symptoms" that are normal, except the lack of pooping on a regular basis, but I am a little frustrated with my lack of weight gain. I'm going to chalk this one up to being overweight prior to getting knocked up. I'll bring it up with the doc next week, though I'm thinking it will be fine - as long as I start gaining sometime soon, I should be ok. I guess it depends on what I'm measuring too, although last appt that was perfectly normal. And you can tell I'm pg by looking at me now (I hope) - unless, of course, you're just predisposed to my odd-shaped stomach, which looks like the side of a peanut shell now, with two bumps. Since my uterus is past my belly button now (thanks WTE) that should be evening out soon.

I am pretty much done buying mat clothes now, especially since my bell-y-a-whatever band is coming in handy nowadays. I just think I need a few more shirts, since my prior wardrobe was all fitted and shorter and small fry's all poking out and such. But I really dread buying all of those tent-looking things. ON sale, here I come ::holds breath for longer shirts::

aaaand another pic!

BPF:

BPF!

Here ya go, I actually look like I'm pregnant now, however my butt is still bigger than my belly, lol.

I guess it's time for me to update!

Everything's been going well so far, I had my 10-yr high school reunion, which was awesome! I loved seeing the girls again, and two of them brought their babies so I got to ooh and aah over them. Of course, they were girls : ).

I had my big u/s on May 4th, in a very very tiny room with a big machine with the sonogram tech, hubs, myself, one of the drs at the practice (it was my first appt with him, I'll alternate from now on) and a resident or trainee or something or other. The tech did all the measuring first, moving the gel around and pointing out body parts (femur, heart...penis!) and we found out it's a boy. Hubs actually saw it first, because he's been staring at ultrasounds for longer than I have, haha. He was disappointed at first, but told me he had an underlying feeling all along that it was a boy. I have to say...I did too! Even though I like the idea of a girl, I welcome something different - I watched my little brother grow up, and it was great. I just constantly wonder what he'll look like!

I started to feel movement the weekend before the appt too, it was like a muscle twinge. It's been happening quite a lot, and sometimes it worries me, because I can't tell the difference between an actual muscle twinge around my abdomen and small fry moving yet. And the RLP is insane! It's not every time I sneeze, but certain times, it kills. It's not every time I cough, but occasionally it drives me nuts! I hate it!

So, that's about it for now! Oh, of course, I bought some more maternity clothes yesterday from gap.com, and what did I get in my inbox today? A 'mystery' coupon from Gap. You suck, timing.

My loot so far:
1 pair jean capris, full panel
2 pairs jeans, 1 full panel, 1 demi panel
1 pair capri khakis, full panel
1 pair black pants, demi panel
1 pair black pants, weird elastic changeable band with buttons
1 hot pink mat tee
2 mat work shirts
1 mat white button shirt, empire waist with a tie

What I ordered yesterday:
1 pair khakis, full panel
1 pair khakis, demi panel
4 camis (apparently, lol - can't believe I didn't catch that one!)
2 mat shirts
1 trench coat (whee, my first one!)

So, I think I'm about done now. I got a couple extra-long tanks at tarjay, and those under some cards will do just fine for some different work looks. Although, I do think I looked like a blueberry today. I still have a 'fat roll' above my 'baby roll,' so it just looks odd! And my belly button has stopped its coming-out party, adding to the 'just fat' look I'm rockin'. I'll have to get up the energy to PIP one of these days.

Listaciousness:
How far along? 20w3d

Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady around 178, so 1 lb up as of Monday.
Maternity clothes? (see list above, hehe)
Stretch marks? everywhere but my belly
Sleep: same, normal.
Best moment this week: seeing small fry on the big screen! I got a cute lil picture too, with a baby fist pump right in it.
Movement: muscle twinges, wierd ones
Food cravings: vanilla ice cream
Gender: team penis!
Labor Signs: N/A
Belly Button in or out? its journey has stalled.
What I miss: putting my socks on by bringing my knee/leg up
What I am looking forward to: feeling actual baby movements and not just twinges
Weekly Wisdom: veggies are your friends!
Milestones: finding out it's a boy, feeling the first movements

New Doc! and update.

I had my first appointment with my new doc last week, Thursday to be exact. There's been a lot going on so I didn't get to update since then, sorry to whomever out there in cyberspace reads my blog!

It's a two-dr practice, male and female, and I saw the lady dr first. She's very young, but I still felt like a 13-yr-old next to her, lol. The nurse/assistant/I'm not sure what kind of degree she has was very very nice, talkative. It was much different from my old practice. The building is less modern, but the people make up for it. They explained everything, which made hubs very happy, because he hated the old dr's bedside manner - or lack thereof. Then we went into lady dr's office and had a little meeting where we went over all my info. She said everything looked good, we went back and listened to the hb (140), she measured me (I think, I was looking at a poster of babies that they put on the ceiling), and that was about it. Their scale is actually comparable to mine at home, so that will be a good indicator. I think my updates are going to have to come on Mondays now though, since my due date is now officially (again) September 25th. The old dr had my dates wrong...for what reason, I'm not sure.

So, here you go!

How far along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I was at 175 as of yesterday, so 2.2 lbs down - I'd better start eating!
Maternity clothes? went to Motherhood this weekend, spent lots of money. It was awesome. I heart stretchy jeans.
Stretch marks? apparently, they are multiplying...on my back. yeah, back.
Sleep: the usual. I can remember vaguely when I wake up and have to flip sides, but that's all.
Best moment this week: when I complained to hubs that I couldn't bring up my knee anymore when I put my socks on, because it feels like "there's something there" and he said, yeah, a baby!
Movement: nope.
Food cravings: anything apple, and of course, chinese.
Gender: I'm thinking boy.
Labor Signs: N/A
Belly Button in or out? about the same, still in but threatening to flatten out.
What I miss: pina coladas. non-virgin ones.
What I am looking forward to: May 4th...big ultrasound!!!!!!!
Weekly Wisdom: it is ok to only care about yourself and your baby right now.
Milestones: hearing the hb again.

So let's talk maternity clothes.

Mostly, because I need something to distract me from the registry feature not working at BRU right now.

I had two types of pants pre-AB, the regular pants and the fat pants. At about 13 weeks, I was solidly on the fat pants, of which I have...2 khaki-colored and 1 black. So, I was jonesing for more pants.

I ordered these little beauties from yap:


They have a demi panel, which basically means "big elastic waistband." Look Ma, no zipper! They are awesome, but at times I feel like they are elastic-ing the wrong part of my anatomy and have to move the band up or down depending on how close to lunch it is.

I also got, for comparison, this budget-friendly ON pair:


I think the elastic waist will be friendlier when I get bigger, but they are definitely more leg-fitting than the other pair, probably because the others were "modern." Sheesh, cuts.

I also got some shirts:


And that's about it. For the most part, I'm still in the regular clothes (and fat pants, lol). I did attempt to go to Motherhood this weekend, it's in a little row of shoppes by our local mall. Tried to open the door...wait, what time is it? Door's locked...it's ten-thirty...they open at ten...WTF??? My mom and I were like...did we miss savings time or something? We even went next door to Gymboree to ask them if something had happened that we didn't know about. I haven't been back since, so I don't know if they just had an emergency or whatever, but still....weird!

Oh, and while at Gymboree:


OMG, love this. love the whole collection along these lines. Granted, it's all for boys, but even if I'm having a girl, still good colors. Can I buy stuff yet? Please? *sigh*

The whole collection is just freaking awesome.

I'm not a fan of ruffles anyway, so I'd still dress a girl in jungle animals. I was in primary colors til the age of 3. I'm sure nobody cared, least of all me. As long as I got my E. T. cake, I was set.