Baby's first cold

So The Pecan woke up with a stuffy nose and sneezing this morning. Baby's first cold! Poor kid. At least nursing helped her breathe a little better, and she was happy when I pulled out the booger sucker. 

I'm hoping this is the worst of it, and she doesn't have an experience like The Burrito and end up taking a visit to our friendly local hospital with some bronchialitis. She's still pretty happy, and just laid down for a babynap, so far so good!

Happy Halloween!

Baby's First Fever

Two weeks ago, we thought the burrito had a cold. When the mucus in the corner of his eye got worse, we took him into the pedi - pinkeye. UGH. And eyedrops, double ugh. We put them in when he was sleeping or otherwise distracted, 3x/day. He had a 7-day round, so it wasn't too horrible. But add that to the cough?

She had given us a script for additional meds in case the cough got worse...and after bringing him back to bed with us and hearing him cough two nights, we filled it. So it was meds 2x/day in addition to the drops for a while!

His cough let up some, and I recall saying something at work about this being the second time he was really ill (barring the baby cold earlier this year) since he was born - which I was thankful for, since I know some kids who have constant ear infections, sinus problems, breathing problems, etc.

And then? The universe heard. And sent me this weekend! Hubs worked, and I had a dinner party planned with friends, so I was doing errands and such. When we got home on Saturday, he was still warm, so I took his temperature, and around noon on Saturday he was at 100.3. Niiiice. First fever! Administered acetaminophin, made dinner, he ate like a pig, and his temp went down a little.

Sunday? temp went up to 103 in the afternoon, just in time for my friends to get there. Hubs called the on-call pedi, and they said in babies sometimes the degree of fever is less important than the symptoms. He was eating, drinking, and filling diapers normally, so we continued with the tylenol and fed and watered him normally.

Of course, this morning, he was at 100.2, and I called daycare and heard something about 101 or higher, so I thought he was good to go. We got all packed up and walked in, only to be told that I misheard the policy and they won't take them until they have 24 hours fever-free. Crap. And I can tell he was upset walking back out, because he gets so excited going in. Having the daycare lady say that you can see it in his eyes, and the he looks awful didn't help either.

I wanted to keep him home this morning, but I didn't want to be influenced by my mommy-instinct to stay home, curl up and cuddle the kid. I know they're always worse in the AM too. And, I'm out of sick days at work. I just felt awful when she said that. So, the kid is currently passed out on the floor. He's been sleeping for over 2 hours now, and his head feels normal and not hot at all, so I'm hoping the sleeping is doing its job and the fever has broken.

Adderall.

It sounds like a whispered conversation in the corner of a backyard bbq; a name dropped at a parent/teacher meeting; a scene out of Desperate Housewives.

I've always avoided medication; I don't like taking pills (have a horrible gag reflex, insert BJ jokes here), I hate shots, and just generally figured I could get by without it. I hate taking bcp every day, and taking tylenol or my migraine meds when I do have one.

However, it was suggested last week that I could benefit from a medication that could help me to focus. And I have been considering it.

I felt ambushed when I walked into my counseling meeting and my husband had already been talking to the therapist and it was the first thing that was said - hey, how about going on this? Just like it was candy. Here, have a gumball. It'll make you more efficient. Hubs told me that I was taking it too personally, and that it didn't mean there was something wrong with me. Just that I needed a little extra chemical push in my brain to help my neurons to fire; or something like that.

I still don't know how to feel about it. After the Desperate Housewives scene popped into my head, I thought it might be good - I could get a lot more done! Prioritize better! Remember everything I wanted to do in a day! But would it really help? Would the side effects be too much for me? Would I be able to sleep? Would I end up doing all of the work around the house? Hubs looked a bit hurt when I balked at taking medication. He said that it worked for him, and I didn't have a problem with him taking medication for his chemical imbalance. I said that was because it was him who brought it up. He recognized a problem. Me? I didn't think it was a problem until it was a problem for hubs. I've always been a little scatterbrained, but I thought it had just gotten worse now that I was working over 40 hours a week and taking care of a kid. I never wanted to do housework in the first place - yes, dishes sometimes sit in the sink for up to a week. Other things were just more important to me.

But lately I have been forgetting things, and it's really getting to hubs. I'll leave something around the house, meaning to come back to it, and it will sit there for a week until he gets upset that it's been there for a week and I haven't done anything. Mostly, laundry. Dishes in the kitchen. My things lying around the house. I left two sweaters draped over a chair in the living room for two weeks. I'd walk by and think, "oh, I have to take those upstairs and do such-and-such with them." But then I'd never come back. It seems now? That I can't finish anything.

So, because I have such a fear - stigma, even - with taking medication for this, I'm going to tough it out and see how I do. I started a list of items that need to be done during the week on a regular basis: laundry, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, etc. I check them off when they're done. It's going well so far. I just feel like I don't have any time in the evenings to spend with my husband and child - even though he assures me that I do spend quality time with them. I guess that's something that's hard to reconcile for me. I grew up with my mom doing the cleaning on the weekends. Since we go out and run errands, visit, and just generally have fun on the weekends that hubs doesn't work now, it's a little tougher. Especially on the weekends when he sleeps after working 3rd shift. I try to be quiet, but it's tough with a 9 month old! And if I go out, I get nothing done around the house.

I've also been trying to implement a plan to finish everything I start, and not take on anything new. After a recent crying-in-the-basement jag, I realized that I was saving all of these things for a life I didn't have right now. My basement is full of crap. Not crap to me, but just crap. Magazines, bags, bows, quilting items. It's all things that I won't use soon. I may not use at all. And I lost hubs' Father's Day card. I keep bringing so much stuff in, that the stuff I already have gets pushed out. This goes double for my brain - it's like every new thought pushes an old one out.

So I have decided to take Stacy and Clinton's advice and apply it to my life: dress for the body you have. Live for the life you have. All of my plans, everything I was saving, I can't use right now. Doesn't mean I can't plan, but don't plan and then think that it will happen the very next second - I won't be a housewife with time to make a beouf bourginon tomorrow. But, I can take a gander at the cookbooks I already have (I'm talking to you, Rachel Ray) this weekend. I won't be composting and making my own soil - but I can refill the birdfeeder.

Hopefully, letting go of things I don't use or need will help me to appreciate what I do have and make better use of it. Including the brain cells. And if not? There's always that next step.

Long Nights, Impossible Baby

As a person, I know that not every day can be a good one. You'll have nights where you don't want to do anything but veg out on the couch and watch Conan. Which is totally what I'd do If I could stay up that late but - who does that anymore???

Now as a mother, I know that these nights are tenfold when small carbon-based lifeforms are involved. Especially when one or more of us is sick or fussy, or god help us teething. And there are points when burrito has been crying and he's not hungry or wet and just wants to be held but I feel nauseated and my back hurts and why can't he just tell me what he wants?? And I just feel like taking him by the shoulders like I would my husband and shaking him and yelling "what do you want!"

BUT OBVIOUSLY cannot do this. One, don't shake babies. It's just not good manners. It was one of those things we were taught early on, along with don't eat yellow snow and don't run with scissors.

Second, it will accomplish nothing. He still won't be able to tell me what's wrong, and odds are If I do anything he doesn't like he'll start in with the full-on banshee cry instead of being just a fussy baby. His fussy noise goes "meeeeeh meeeeeh" btw, which when uttered with downturned lips and pitiful face sounds a lot like he's lamenting that his mother is a disgrace. I can see the tell-all books now. (no wire hangers!!!1!11!!!)

I have found that laying him down and letting him kick while I take a moment to breathe helps. I have also found that he enjoys the alphabet song and oddly enough, "hit the road jack." so I rock him back and forth and sing. Or, lay on the bed while he flops around like a fish and sing.

Another gem I discovered this morning? A little thing I call the surprise mirror. I hold him with my back to the mirror, then spin around so we can see our reflections in the mirror while doing my best impression of that stunned squirrel-type thing that was all over the intertubes years ago. I even try to make the dramatic noises. He loved it. Totally weird, I know.

So there's your weekly update on the fussy part of my life. Which, coincidentally, happened last night (er, June 1st, hehe) every hour save 1 to 5 am. Yup, I got 4 hours of sleep. Someday I will punish him for this by showing his prom date embarassing baby/toddler pictures and wearing white go-go boots to pick him up from school.

stupid bug.

So my memorial day weekend was shaping up to be ok - had to work Monday, but it was only 5 hours, so no big deal. We had a giant heat wave knock us into the 90's so I wasn't that hungry Monday, which didn't really bother me as I am trying to whittle down the muffin.

However, later that night, after I had a turkey sandwich and ice cream I had been craving, the GI Bug that had been brewing reared its ugly head. I was nauseated for a full two hours before my stomach gave its entire haul for the day back to the porcelain throne. After that, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body ached, and my back was killing me. I turned the AC down many times that night, trying to get comfortable.
Hubs had to deal with a slightly fussy burrito, and I kept apologizing for not helping (when I was coherent that is). He kept reminding me that I'm not the only parent... Oops. Fail on my part!

So Tuesday I called off of work and headed to the doc while hubs dropped burrito at daycare - with a frozen bag of milk, as I hadn't pumped enough the day before, tyvm bug. Got my info, stopped at the store, got some gatorade and chicken noodle soup. Slept. It was glorious. Until time came for hubs to leave for work, at which time it was just me and a fussy pre-bed burrito. Thoughts which were running through my head included: how did Mom do this?, can the dog entertain him, can I put out a mass request for help on FB?

Eventually after nursing 4 times, he was satisfied and fell asleep in the bed with me. We woke again at 130 to turn down the AC and eat, and 330 to eat, 630 for the day and he ate again at 745, which is hopefully telling my body he still needs milk.

Unfort, I am still running on gatorade and just starting to eat solids again. Hopefully I can ramp it up and be able to pump enough for at least half the day tomorrow. I have one bag of freezer stash available and I don't want to send formula...but If the kid needs to eat... *sigh* stupid bug.

The Scariest Moment of my Life

It's high time I write about this, not just for me but for anyone else who may happen upon this blog so that their fears may be somewhat calmed If this happens to their child. Or so I hope. I worry all the time that an illness or injury may not get paid enough attention because the signs or symptoms are common or mimic something else, especially after what happened to my beloved Stella. But now that these things have happened, and we have survived, we can learn and be more vigilant in case they would happen again. So I guess what I mean to say is, I've been there.

So the burrito's cold is progressing, and we think he's getting a little better because of the lack of cough for a little bit. But at 3am on Dec 26, he woke up to eat, and during his 2nd side he started to cough. I propped him up and got the burp cloth in case he threw up everything he just ate, which he had done 3 times so far. He keeps coughing and nothing's coming out. I ask hubs to take him and hold him upright, in case he does spit up. He holds him and rubs his back, burrito still coughing.

At this point, we were getting worried, and that's when I saw him start to turn red over hubs' shoulder. I yelled out "he's turning red!" and had a moment of sheer panic in which the thought oh my god my baby's going to die ran through my head. Hubs turned him over and did some back blows in case there was anything lodged in his throat, as he was also choking and sputtering a bit. A little spit up came out but that's it. Finally, after what seemed like a millennium, he started getting air, slowed the coughing, and calmed down.

He handed him to me and said, ok we're going to the hospital. I panicked again, with the thought oh my god my baby's sick enough for the hospital, and kind of just stood there while hubs got dressed. I finally had to say to him, what should I do? Because my mind was in such a haze I had no direction but to hold my son. He said, get your pants on, put on a sweatshirt, and let's go. I went downstairs and he grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around me and burrito, and he opened the door. I asked if we were going to put him in his seat, but he said no, let's just go, I want to get there as soon as possible. We got in the truck and drove the mile to the hospital, with burrito fussing the whole way, but not coughing anymore. Valet parked, walked in to the ER. Hubs did all the talking, I just held my boy. They brought us back and got his weight (wrong, lol) and assessed him, got him into a ginormous hospital gown and put him on a pulse ox monitor, which he kept kicking off - he kicked it off 3 times until they finally got wise and put some of that tape-ish stuff around his foot. : )

It was a little while until we saw the dr, but he was very nice and spoke very fast but was to the point. He wanted to get x-rays to make sure that he didn't have pneumonia, and to take some blood to test for pertussis, and he'd call our pedi and let them know we were here. The blood draw was worse than all the previous ones because he was already upset, and then it took forever to get the amount of blood they needed. In between all of this we put one of those heavy hospital blankets on him and encouraged him to sleep. He was in a bed that could  be tilted up, so that if he did have any mucus, it wouldn't choke him. We got another bulb and continued to suction him when he sounded sniffly. We kind of half-rested while everyone came in and out. The x-rays were awful, as they needed to hold him completely still and he just wasn't having that. The x-ray tech would set the machine, have the nurse and hubs hold him, and then run - literally - to the control to take the pic. They did 3, since the first side x-ray didn't come out as clearly as they wanted. They put him in my arms after it was done and I held him and soothed him as best I could. Poor kid.

The pedi arrived around 8, and as soon as she got there, burrito decided to show off his new skillz and have a coughing fit, which was good timing, because when he wasn't coughing, he was contentedly talking to her. She said it was good that he timed it so, because she'd be wondering what he was doing in the hospital otherwise. She looked him over and decided that to make sure that he wasn't having apnea spells during the coughing fits, she wanted to keep him for observation overnight. We kind of looked at each other like - eh? Really? For a cold? But it made sense, as I can still recall the feeling of panic when that little face turned red. I wanted to make sure there was nothing but a cold going on here.

So hubs went home to shower and get our bags, bring me an actual shirt, and grab some food. I was feeding burrito on and off, sitting him on my lap so he wouldn't cough as much (or so I hoped), but he didn't eat a whole lot at a time. I figured that if he wanted to add more feedings, and not eat as much at a time, that was fine with me - whatever kept him hydrated. It was a little tough without the boppy, and with a very uncomfortable hospital chair that converted into a very uncomfortable bed-type thing. We got checked into our room and got settled in, I got my menus for dinner and breakfast the next morning, and hubs called his mom to update them. I had been texting my mom since early morning, she was catching a train to Florida at the time! He turns to me and says "ok if my mom comes to visit?" (to the phone) "I'm sure she'd like some company." I looked at him like he was crazy and said, "I'm going to sleep." It finally dawned on him that we'd been up since 3am, and he said "I'll call you later mom." Good boy. They ended up coming by later on anyway, which, really, whatever. They brought him a giraffe toy, which was cute, but - he's in the hospital. He won't be very receptive, not to mention, he's 3 months. Ah well, it's the thought that counts.

So he was on monitors for oxygen, pulse, and something else throughout the night, as well as marking down when he ate, for how long, and how many diapers he had. They did give him some Tylenol early on because of his coughing - he looked like he was in extreme pain from his sore throat from coughing so much. I asked about it the next day, and they said as long as he doesn't seem to be in any more pain, he won't need it anymore. He slept on and off, and was generally just a content baby. He had one slight spit-up episode, but no real throwing up like he did before. The coughing continued, but wasn't as severe as before. The next morning, hubs came back and gave us the once-over before he went to work, and the pedi came in around noon - noon! I should've gotten lunch! - he was really great, did the donald duck voice and everything. Burrito loved it. He loved all of his visitors actually, and talked incessantly when people were around. Didn't give mama the time of day though, lol. Pedi said that he was hesitant to send him home and have the same thing happen again, but that he looked good and didn't have any apnea or breathing issues, and that if I felt confident being at home with him, he'd  be good to go with just a follow-up appointment. His x-rays were clear, his white cell count, though elevated slightly, was good, showing no signs at that point of pertussis (the test came back clear a couple days after we got home), and in general his cough was lessening. The suction unit they used which attached to the hospital wall helped greatly to clear out some of his mucus too. I asked if we could get one of those for home, but sadly they said no, lol.

So, at around 3pm Monday the 27th, our hospital adventure ended. And promptly after his first feeding at home, burrito coughed and vomited his food up all over me again. Thankfully, it was the last time, and I'm pretty sure it's because we got overzealous with our feeding now that we were home! and freely attached to the boob! on the boppy! He did throw up once more all over daddy the next morning, but that was just out of excitement, ha ha. Apparently it went over daddy's shoulder and hit the floor, and he looked back at the burrito and he was laughing at him. Lesson learned, smaller more frequent feedings til the coughing stops. The actual diagnosis we got from one pedi was bronchialitis, although I'm not sure what all exactly they wrote on his papers because I didn't look at them yet!

So, here we are, over a week later, and he's still got a slight cough from time to time, but is so.much.better. We still suction him and use the saline nasal spray about 4-5 times per day, just to make sure he doesn't choke on all the mucus, but he's so much happier and back to eating like a champ. He has started playing with the toys on his swing tray, actually moving them purposefully, and he even managed to grab his paci the other day and put it back in his mouth. He's talking like nobody's business too. Thank goodness that scare is over. I know there may be hospital visits in the future, but please, universe, can we limit those if necessary at all to the normal things like sprains, strains, bumps, casts, etc and not the terrifying choking non-breathing variety of things?



Benjamino is 15 weeks old today!
and wants you to know that no matter how dino-mite you think his new outfit is, he's still not going to hold still for your picture.

And that he's got team spirit!

The Baby Cold.

Dislike.

Burrito started a little while ago with a stuffy nose, and yesterday it escalated into a full-on runny nose, complete with coughing. Such coughing, in fact, that he actually vomited twice yesterday morning. Thankfully, not on ma's work clothes. He seemed fine after he got all the mucous (and some milk) out, so we took him to daycare.

The coughing? May have gotten a little worse. I was supposed to go to a meeting last night but elected to stay home so I could nurse him as much as he wanted, which was A Lot. Lot. He coughed when he was upset pretty much, so we tried to keep him as calm and content as possible.

He woke up at 330am, after hubs and I went down to see the eclipse (looked like a big orange moon with dark parts and light parts, folks), probably because he heard us talking. Nursed, coughed a little more, was tormented by the nasal aspirator boogie-sucker, coughed a bit more, then went back to sleep with his pac.

Woke again at 640, which is when hubs rolled over to ask me when I was getting up. I'm thinking he stirs when he hears his voice, because I've talked to him before and nada. So we nursed then as well, and handed off to daddy for burping while I got a shower. Apparently he enjoyed that, because he spit up all over daddy, lol. Attacked him with the boogie-sucker a few more times, then packed him up for daycare.

I let them know that his cold was a little worse, and that he liked being upright so that his mucous wouldn't clog him up and make him cough. I also told them where his boogie-sucker was in his bag so they could attack him as well. She informed me that there were respiratory things and ear infections going around, so be sure to watch for signs of that too. Greeaaaaat. I feel so bad for the kid. I was sick last week, so I can't help thinking this has something to do with his cold. I'm drinking my oj and popping my PNVs, so hopefully keeping myself "well" will help him too. Because I can't stand baby coughs!